Disconsolateness

We all got lost in our sea of emotions sometimes but for me, im not just lost. Im practically drowning in it.  Its been a couple of months now since the news blasted right in front of my eyes. People said day by day, it gets easier. People said day by day, you'll learn to let go. People said day by day, the love fades away. Bullshit. Day by day, it gets harder. Day by day I slowly feel like im losing myself more and more. I get anxiety attacks constantly. I' ve only been here for like 3 weeks or so but I manage to get anxiety attacks out of sudden for more than 5 times. Life is shit. It has always been that way but what even shittier would be on how I cant manage myself. On how lost I am. On how broken I am. On how I cant fix myself or even keep myself together. Im basically a shattered piece. Waiting to be thrown away into all the other piles of ashes and dirt.  Im sick. Im sick of having to go through this feelings when I wake up in the morning, Im sick of having