Disconsolateness

And when the moon started to shine and the wind started blowing melancholily, thats when the time the girl ponder upon life and how she had fucked up so much. Slowly the thoughts began to eat her soul, leaving only her body and her wild toxic thoughts. Her soul wonders around trying to find the smallest chance of acceptance and happiness but all she could find was pain, sorrow and pure loneliness. And she began to realize that life isnt pathetic. She is. The most agonizing part of it is, she thought she started to heal. She thought she started to get better but wailfully, she was completely wrong. She was only distracted by life itself. She never was trully leaving her past miserable life behind. She was just pausing it for a moment. Pausing her trully lonely life at pause and choosing to play the part of her life that she knew she could never have. Her part of the life where all she did was laugh and be silly with her friends. Her part of the life where she is genuinely happy and ful

Maybe, just maybe, im starting to heal. Maybe, im just starting to feel okay about myself. And maybe, Im slowly recovering. It does seem like i dont have much to hold on too but the truth is, I finally realized that I have more than plenty to be grateful for.