Currently sitting in Anati’s room while they are outside in the hall. They surprised me by having like a small bbq party at the sungai for my 27th, in which I absolutely love and touched by. But as much as I am glad and happy, Im sitting in this room trying not to cry. But I really don’t want to ruin anybody’s mood and being the party poopper so I just hide away and bottle up this sadness. They spend so much of their time and energy for this surprise and I appreciate it so so much. I don’t think letting them know that I am sad would be a good choice. I don’t want to ruin this for then.
Like an Unbreakable Curse
How can I still be this sad? Like an unbreakable curse that stays with me for eternity. Like a scene that keeps on replying again and again in one infinity loop. These feelings deep inside, that I can no longer hide. Im wondering around on my own. Hopelessly. Endlessly. Inability to cope and understand my own feelings. Lost. Completely lost. Was it a curse that was cast by mistake? A magic spell that never seems to break. An ongoing loop that can never be paused nor stopped. What is this heavy emotions? It feels heavy yet cold. So cold and dark. Ironic how I feel lonely but occupied. Like im lonely but im not alone. As the rain starts to pour, so does my eyes. It felt, homogeneous. Calm but sad. Peaceful but depressing. As the rain pours, water starts to flow rapidly and I let it consumes me. Drifting through the path that it takes without having a single say, I no longer feel alive. Like a puppet, controlled by invisible strings forged by my deep unsettling feelings. A sad, l...
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