Embracing life at 27

 A month from now, you are going to celebrate your 27th birthday Ain Izzaty. Alhamdulillah, life has unfolded as a breathtaking rollercoaster ride, each twist and turn brimming with lessons and blessings. Very much grateful for every single step of the way and the people I had intertwined with. Today, I pen not a reflection on my past nor a testament to the transformation of my faith but a letter to myself on the cusp of 27—a journey I wish to revisit in the years to come, to remember who I was at this pivotal moment.

As I write this letter to myself, I am reminded of the journey's beauty, the resilience and the transformative power of gratitude. Turning 27 may be scary for that 20-year-old me in the past. But walking on this road now, I would honestly say, I am really looking forward for my 30s. Reaching 27, life feels neither scary nor exhausting. Work? You are now in charge of so many new things. From being an editor, you now also have taken on the responsibility of overseeing your company's app and AI development in which I think is so cool and fun. There are a lot of exciting new projects that alhamdulillah you had the opportunity to lead. Your 20-year-old self would never think about having this kind of role. This comes with a greater responsibility but also the thrill of steering projects and making pivotal decisions. Amidst all the headache and stress, you are really enjoying every step of the way. Your career and knowledge are growing, yet you are aware of the vast learning and growth that lie ahead. Eager to learn more and do better, you are always seeking new knowledge and opportunities to improve yourself and one of the best things that had happened alongside this is that, albeit having new roles and responsibility, you manage to organize your time better. Though work may seem endless, you still manage to give time for yourself. Understanding that whatever it is, taking care of your body and overall health should be on top of your priority list, even with new work responsibility coming your way. Yes, you still suffer from GERD occasionally but it's slowly getting a tad bit better. You know when to get your rest and your time control is so much better and in turn, your whole routine is improving. You no longer push yourself overboard and you now have a better routine for yourself. I'm really looking forward to my future self, hopefully achieving further milestones in her career while continuing to find joy in her work.

My academic journey is also progressing, as I await the start of my Master's in Curriculum and Pedagogy. Supposedly you had already started but UM informed you that the course doesn't have enough students, so they had to wait for more signup before the class can start. Despite a slight delay due to enrollment numbers, you remain optimistic about pursuing your Master's and, God willing, a PhD in the future. Fresh flowers? Yup you still buy it for your-self. The simple pleasure of buying fresh flowers still ignites that excited little kid within you. Every single time you have fresh flowers with you, it heals a small part of your inner child and till this day, fresh flower still sparks so much joy and pure happiness for you. Even just a walk inside any florist place brings you into a euphoric state of mind. These moments of self-care underscore your enduring love for life's simple pleasures and continues to light up your life. As for your personal growth, you've surprised yourself by embracing physical challenges, including training for a half marathon. My 20-year-old me would never even dream of getting into all these running events but now, look at you. Training to join that 21KM run and you actually started to enjoy gym sessions. Can't believe you even bought a pair of Hoka for yourself. You even manage to go to football match and enjoy your time at the stadium! Though you still prefer rugby but hey, you still enjoy every bits of it! Loneliness, while it occasionally visits, no longer feels overwhelming, thanks to the cherished circle of friends and loved ones whose company I enjoy. A partner? Al Wadud wouldn't have forgotten any of us so best to just leave it up to him. The prophet once said - Laysa fil jannati a’azab. No one is going to be single in Jannah. "As much as love is based on your desire, it’s also based on your destiny. Romance is like rizq" - Omar Suleiman. If not here, maybe in the afterlife and that would be fine by me cause His planning is the best of plan. You had also been spending your extra time in planning your friends' birthday surprises. You find joy in seeing them happy and appreciated. You enjoy creating everything from scratch because you still are, that sentimental little girl. You are content with the circles you have, and you find peace even when you are alone. Looking back to your earlier age, being alone was scary and you had no choice but to go through it. But now? It no longer feels like a nightmare. You manage to find solace even when you are alone.

Your passion for the outdoors knows no bounds. It's your ultimate joy, and given the chance, you'd dedicate every weekend to exploring the wild, engaging in activities that push the limits—waterfall abseiling, white water rafting, navigating forests on an ATV under the rain, parachuting, paragliding and so many more. The thrill of these adventures calls to you, a siren song of the extreme and exhilarating. In addition to your outdoor pursuits, you find fulfillment in giving back, spending Sunday mornings volunteering at the mosque, teaching OKU children various subjects. As much as you taught them, you are actually learning even more from them. Such pure innocent soul. Syurga tanpa hisab lah buat kesemua ibu bapa mereka dan seluruh alam semesta yang sentiasa memudahkan urusan dan menjaga mereka. You are now a lot calmer compared to before and now you know how to manage yourself even when you are in a situation that makes you incredibly irritated and angry. You can handle those kinds of situations better than last time. Albeit all of these, there are still a lot of improvements and self-reflection needed to be made. There are still so many aspects in your life and your character that you should improve so hopefully you manage to do that one step at a time. Your nature is changing and evolving. You are now getting closer to your fitrah. You're gravitating towards your essence, embracing changes that align you closer to your innate self. Gone are the days when you prized hyper-independence, feeling compelled to shoulder every burden alone. Too much masculine energy— a terms that society now often use. You used to feel like all of these, was a sign of weakness. But now you understand that, deep down, it was a result of trauma and being scared from what had happened from the past. It was a form of defense mechanism and a wall you had built for yourself. It wasn't a sign of weakness but in fact, it was actually a fitrah you keep on denying and pushing away. A fitrah of a woman that has been embedded deep in your soul. The qualities you once viewed as vulnerabilities are, in fact, integral to your identity, a reflection of the profound femininity that resides within you, waiting to be acknowledged and embraced.

Ain, you are no longer scared of the future. You are in such a better place to learn and grow. There are so many things you are embracing now. To my future self, may you look back on this moment with fondness, knowing that every step was a step towards becoming the person you were meant to be. Here's to the journey ahead, to the lessons that await, and to the endless possibilities that 27 brings. May it be a chapter filled with growth, peace, and joy. Alhamdulillah, for everything.