I miss my Mak Siah a little bit extra today. She loves my food. Shes the reason why I love food in the first place. Every year, she would wait for me to come and cook for her. I miss her. So so so so much. She may not be my biological mother but she treats me like one. I miss her, extra hard this raya. Al Fatihah to you Mak Siah. Everytime I try new food, your face always pops up in my mind because you taught me to always try new food and dont be afraid. I miss you. Im not the nicest person out here and I am definitely a sinner so I might not see you there. I dont think theres room for me up in Jannah Mak Siah :/ I pray for you everyday. Moga semua doa dan amalan Ain dkt sini, Ain dapat bagi dkt Mak Siah juga dekat sana. I miss you so much it hurts. 

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Kalau Allah permudahkan, betul lah tu. Kalau tak, ada lah sebab nya. When He said yes, it’s a yes and when He said no, it’s a no. Theres always a reason behind it. Maybe it’s due to me maybe it’s not but whichever it is, be accepting that things doest work out my way is the only option. Having zero explanation on why it happened the way it happened sucks. The fact that I was never worth it enough for any sort of explanation sucks. And it sucks even more when this wasn’t the first rodeo. In whatever case letting this go is the last option. Dah orang tak suka, kita pandai pandai faham lah to disappear from their life. In Allah, I put all my trust in and may He guide me to change and improve to be a better woman and a better muslim. 
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